


After the Fall

by Leloi



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, M/M, Post Reichenbach, Self-Love, Threesome - M/M/M, time travelers wife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 04:16:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock found himself in 221B Baker Street, standing in front of John Watson.  His time travel sometimes did that… set him before the one person in the world his life seemed to revolve around... ever since he met the man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the several Sherlock/Time Traveler's Wife fusions I've read around here. I wanted to read about Reichenbach... both pre and post. So I wrote my own little fusion. 
> 
> Dates: I went with the actors' birth years to determine age. Martin was born in 1971 and Benedict was born in 1976. The canon events I used John's Blog to help find the time period. I pin their first meeting on January 29, 2011.
> 
> Threesome Warning... Although I don't know how to label a scene with John and two Sherlocks. Time travel is complicated. Also references of Sherlock with himself...

June 2012 (John is 41, Sherlock is 39)

Sherlock found himself in 221B Baker Street, standing in front of John Watson. His time travel sometimes did that… set him before the one person in the world his life seemed to revolve around... ever since he met the man. 

John was sitting in his chair, face resting in his hands, barefoot and looking miserable. When he caught sight of Sherlock’s legs before him he looked up at the detective, tears clear in his eyes and falling down his cheeks. “You look… older.” Rapidly blinking more tears fell and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. “You look older than you should be, Sherlock!”

“Don’t I always?” Sherlock mused. “What year is it?”

“It’s… 2012. June… 2012.”

Sherlock felt his heart drop and he squatted in front of John’s chair, resting his hands on the arms to keep his balance. “I’m… I’m so sorry…”

“It never occurred to me before… I’ve seen you… I’ve seen you older than 36. How old are you now? 40? 41?”

“I’m 39.” Sherlock whispered.

“You didn’t really jump… did you?” John blinked away tears and frowned at Sherlock.

“They had to think I did.” Sherlock reached for John’s hand but John would not allow him to hold it. 

“You left me… I thought you died… but you left me…”

“No… John, no!” Managing to catch John’s hand, Sherlock held it to his face, nuzzling it. “I didn’t want to leave you. Please believe me… I didn’t want to. But I had to. If I didn’t then… then you’d be dead… for real. It was either you or me… and I chose me to keep you safe. John… I can’t lose you.” Sherlock placed the palm of John’s hand against his cheek. “Please, love… believe me.”

John cried and laughed at the same time. “Your younger self never calls me that… only older you…” 

“Because while I’m gone from you I realize how much you mean to me.” 

John bowed his head, spilling fresh tears.

“I’ll be home soon. I can’t stay away for long. You have to be strong… It’ll take about a year. But you’ll probably see me… older me.”

“I miss you… so much.”

Sherlock wrapped his arms around John and pulled him out of the chair to kneel with him on the floor. “I’m so sorry…”

“Stay with me? So I can sleep… please?”

“I’ll stay as long as I can.” Sherlock carefully got up from the floor and pulled John up, guiding him towards the bedroom. Tucking John into bed he curled up behind him. “Get some sleep, John.”

^.~

February 18, 2011  
(John is 40, Sherlock is 35 and 39)

Sherlock paused outside of his new flatmate’s door, hearing voices within. Both of the voices were male. One was distinctly John’s… but the other was his own. Placing his ear against the door he listened.

“So… How was your first meeting?”

“You know how it went.” John replied. “It was your past.”

“But it was a while ago and I may have forgotten some details.”

“You are… very young.”

“I was 35.”

“I know… but I’m used to seeing you older. I’ve never seen you this young.”

“Don’t be silly… my first visit to you happens around now in your timeline. I was 35 when you were eight.” 

“Well maybe you just seemed older when I was eight. All grownups seem old when you’re eight. What happens to you between now and your future? You just seem… older?”

“You know I can’t talk about it, John.”

“I know…”

Sherlock hears shifting in the room and the bed squeaks. 

“You’re married to your work.” 

Future Sherlock chuckles and there is more bed squeaking. “I forgot I used to say that… defense mechanism. Who wants to be with a man who may disappear on them? I didn’t want you to get too close.”

“Too late!” John laughed and Sherlock soon joined him. “If you knew that I lost my virginity to you when I was eighteen…”

“Well I know that NOW, having done it…” There was a soft moan from Sherlock and the sound of something wet. “You know he can probably hear us... John?”

“I haven’t been with you since… the night before I was shot.”

“Mm… I remember that.” 

“You didn’t tell me I was going to be shot…”

“You know I couldn’t. All I could do was to be there for you the night before.” 

“I appreciate that… how old were you?”

“36? Yes… 36. I remember because… well… never mind.”

“You won’t tell me?”

“Of course not! Come here.” There were more wet sounds and John softly moaned. “Like that?”

“You know I do…” John whimpered. “Is it cheating if…”

“No… It’s you and me… always just you and me. And sometimes it’s you and me and me.”

“What?!”

Sherlock chuckled softly. “I share you with myself. You are mine… you will always be mine, John.” There was movement on the bed and Sherlock moaned softly. “John…”

There was a muffled reply that was difficult to hear through the door.

“John… God, your mouth…” Sherlock moaned. “But we have to…”

Another muffled sound.

“Sherlock… Sherlock I know you’re at the door!” Sherlock’s own voice called out to him. “Come in…”

Sherlock hesitated a long moment before opening the door and seeing his flatmate performing fellatio on his future self. Swallowing hard he stared at the scene, feeling a moment of betrayal. How could his older self allow this? 

John sat up looking guilty and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Sherlock!” Future Sherlock held out his hand to beckon the other man towards them.

Sherlock approached the bed, frowning at the two.

John bowed his head and sat miserable and naked on his knees between Future Sherlock’s legs. 

“Sherlock…” Future Sherlock began. “I know you feel betrayed. I remember how this felt… but… it had to be this way.”

“How long have I…?” Sherlock asked.

“I was six when you first appeared to me from my point of view.” John rubbed his face. 

“Sit!” Future Sherlock commanded and the younger obeyed, seating himself on the bed. “We cannot blame John. He’s been faithful to us these past 22 years… and now… he’s here… with you.”

“But I disappear!”

“I know that! I’ve watched you disappear every single time you came to see me! I only got a few hours with you and when it’s over you disappear and return to where ever you came from. Now I get to be on the other side.”

“Sometimes I may be gone for… 24 hours!”

“Sometimes there were years between your visits.”

“Sherlock…” Future Sherlock smiled at his younger self. “John is… worthy. Touch him.”

“What?” Both Sherlock and John replied at the same time.

“I know what I’m doing.” Future Sherlock grinned, an easy, honest grin that John was familiar with but the younger had rarely shown. “Touch John.”

Sherlock reached out and lightly touched John’s shoulder, noticing the still healing scar. His fingertips tingled.

“Now lean in and kiss him… like this.” Future Sherlock sat up and leaned into John’s space, pressing his lips to John’s in a very experienced kiss. Pulling away he grinned at his younger self.

Sherlock shyly leaned into John’s space and brushed his lips against his flatmate’s lips.

John blinked up at the younger version of his future lover. Swallowing a bit he leaned in and kissed Sherlock again, resting his hands on the man’s waist.

“You’re overdressed, Sherlock…” Future Sherlock warned as he reached in and began to undo the younger’s shirt buttons. 

Sherlock glanced back at his future self, blushing. “I… don’t know…”

“You’ll be fine… Just like how we practiced at uni…”

Sherlock blushed and nodded as he looked back at John.

“You’ve… done this with yourself?” John looked puzzled.

“Only with myself… masturbation really… but with two bodies… You are my first real lover, John… so be gentle.” Future Sherlock rearranged the pillow against the headboard so he could sit back and watch.

“Your first time with me was a threesome with yourself?” John asked the older Sherlock.

Future Sherlock smirked as younger Sherlock finished undressed and sat down next to John on the bed.

“We don’t have to do this, Sherlock… not like this.” John reached for Sherlock’s hands, trying to still them before the younger man reached for him.

Sherlock met John’s eyes. “No one has ever wanted me before… except myself.”

John’s heart broke just a little bit and he wrapped his arms around the other man. “Oh, Sherl… But you barely know me.”

“I know you.” Sherlock whispered against John’s neck. “I will know you… I want to understand why I’m tied to you… why I’m going to visit you when you’re a child. Why you came to find me and share a flat with me. I want to understand… John.”

John pulled back a little and nodded, smiling. Gently he kissed Sherlock’s forehead. “Ok. Ok… lay down.”

Sherlock lay down on the bed next to his future self, the older man making him feel confident in what he was about to do. John crawled up between them and lounged half on Sherlock and half on the older Sherlock. Older Sherlock immediately got up and positioned John more fully on top the younger and the younger opened his legs to accommodate them both. 

“He’s not prepared yet, love…” Future Sherlock murmured into John’s ear as he stared down at his younger self. “You’re going to have to open him. Where is your lube?”

“In the nightstand…” John received the bottle of lube and immediately used it on his fingers before pushing them between Sherlock’s legs. Passing back the bottle to Future Sherlock he lifted his haunches so the other man could prepare him as well. Fingers made short work of Sherlock’s arse, stretching and teasing as the younger man stared up at John with perfect trust.

Future Sherlock pushed into John first and moaned as he found himself fully sheathed. “He feels so good, Sherlock… so tight.”

John blushed, fingers still working on the man below him. “Stop that… dirty talk doesn’t become you…”

“Look at the way he blushes all the way to his ears… especially when I do this…” Future Sherlock gave a deep thrust, forcing John to pause and gasp before turning red. “Isn’t he beautiful, Sherlock?”

Sherlock blinked up at the show above him. Feeling more than a little left out, he gently pulled at John’s wrist and lifted his hips as if in a hint. It wasn’t like he was a blushing virgin… he had himself to thank for that.

John took the hint and pressed himself into Sherlock’s warm, inviting body. It wasn’t his first time inside of Sherlock… but this Sherlock had never been with him before. Kissing the mouth below him, he allowed Future Sherlock to set the pace. This was the first time of filling and being filled… it was more than a little overwhelming. Sherlock’s musky scent surrounded him and it made his mouth water. His lips reverently touched the less experienced Sherlock’s… his hand finding its way around a well known and loved cock. When Sherlock whimpered against John’s lips, John smiled. “Too much?”

“No… more…” Sherlock whispered, using his legs to tip his hips so John’s cock and his other self’s thrusts hit on his prostate. “Oh… Oh god!” Warm, wet ropes of semen expelled between them and he could feel John follow as his arse clenched down. Above them Future Sherlock finished, kissing the back of John’s neck and looking down at his younger self.

“Take good care of him…” Future Sherlock whispered. “I’m about to go… I love you.” With a final kiss to John’s neck he disappeared.

John stayed atop of Sherlock, breathing hard. With a soft chuckle he kissed and shook his head. “I hate it when you orgasm and leave.”

“Do I do that a lot?” Sherlock stared up at the man on top of him. 

“It’s happened enough...” John sighed and rolled off, looking at the mess between them. “And you don’t take your cum with you.”

“Well… it left my body.” Sherlock found a tissue to wipe away part of his mess.

“No… wait…” John leaned over and began to use his tongue to lick away the cooling ejaculate.

Sherlock stared at the other man in awe. When John finished Sherlock handed him the tissue so he could wipe himself of the remainder. The detective found himself lying in bed as a somewhat clingy doctor settled against him to rest.

“I was warned… last time I was with your future self… that it will take time for you to get used to me… that night in Afghanistan. He told me that we would soon meet… and that you will have no idea who I am… He said I’ll be frustrated with you… that even once we start sleeping together that it will take you a while to accept me as your lover… that I should just be patient with you. He said… something will happen… something big and you’ll understand.”

^.~

June 2010, Afghanistan  
(John is 39, Sherlock is 36)

Sherlock nearly fell over once he landed. The heat was unbearable. Looking around, he realized he was far away from London. Standing in a canvas enclosure of some kind he realized it was a tent. At that moment John stepped into the tent. “Sherlock! I wasn’t expecting you.”

“John… where are we?”

“Afghanistan. What are you doing here?”

What was he doing there? Not even an hour before he had forced his own John to watch as he jumped off a building, breaking the soldier that now stood before him. It seemed ironic that this meeting was to comfort John the night before he was shot. To comfort the man he just hurt… “We’re going to meet soon… and be part of the same timeline.”

John smiled. “That’s… that’s wonderful! I was thinking that we… we’d never meet properly.”

“You will meet me… and we’ll live together. But I won’t know you. You’ll have to be patient with me… and I’ll be frustrating at times.”

“Of course… I mean… that’s fine.” John reached out and hugged the naked man to him. 

Sherlock gently patted the soldier’s back as he found himself swaying against the older man. “I won’t know you… I won’t know about us… I’ll sleep with you but I won’t know what to do with you as a lover. I’ve never had a relationship before and… I’ll need time to sort things out. It will work out.” Pulling away he placed his hands on John’s cheeks. “I’ll learn how important you are to me.” And yet not even an hour before he had faked his own death to protect the man he now held. .. tomorrow this man would be shot while on patrol. Irony was a bitch. Staring down into John’s caring, hazel eyes Sherlock felt his heart clench. This was the man he had given up to protect. 

“What’s wrong?” John asked, searching Sherlock’s face. “We’re not fighting in your timeline… are we?”

For a moment Sherlock wondered how many times he would visit younger John after a fight. It must be enough for John to pick up on, at least. “No… not really… I just…” Reverently the detective kissed John’s lips. “You’re very important to me.”

“I know…”

“No… I don’t think you do.” Sherlock hugged his John tighter.

“No… I do. You tell me you love me every time I see you. I am loved… I know I am.”

Sherlock stepped away and stared at John critically. It seemed his older self already learned this lesson. “I love you.”

John smiled and leaned against Sherlock, wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist. “I’m not on duty right now… I have to go on patrol tomorrow morning but right now… Right now I want to make love to you. Is that alright?”

Sherlock’s heart clenched and he nodded, biting his lip before he could cry. How often had his fingers had traced the scar John would receive from tomorrow’s patrol? “Of course…” Helplessly he pulled away and sat on John’s small cot. His eyes watched as his soldier undressed, peeling off his fatigues in the hot tent. His fingers touched the smooth skin of John’s shoulder as John kissed him and pushed him back on the cot. Sherlock wrapped his legs around his soldier and allowed the other man to fuck him. “Harder, John…” Murmuring words of encouragement he closed his eyes and felt his lover claim him once again. His mind kept taking him back to St. Bart’s rooftop… and the sound of John’s scream as he fell, weightless. As the truck had pulled away he had watched John’s reaction to the body on the pavement… the body he was tricked into believing was Sherlock’s. Sherlock couldn’t stop his tears… the pain of leaving his broken lover behind. There was so much guilt from breaking John Watson’s heart.

John stopped his thrusting. “What is it? What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?”

Sherlock shook his head and stared up at John. “No. No… I’m just… Kiss me?”

John leaned down and kissed until Sherlock was breathless. Pulling away he smiled. “I love you.”

“Oh… John…” Sherlock wrapped his arms around John’s shoulders and moved his hips as if to remind John as to what they were doing. “Come on… as hard as you can. You can’t break me.”

John didn’t look as reassured as Sherlock hoped but gave the man what he asked for. It didn’t take long for them both to climax. John relaxed against Sherlock’s chest, gasping for air. “Something has happened… in your timeline… something important.”

“I can’t talk about it.” Sherlock sighed and kissed John’s flawless shoulder.

“How old are you?”

“I’m… I… probably shouldn’t say.”

“Why?”

“You’ll be paranoid when I reach that age.”

“Do I have reason to be paranoid?” John sat up a bit, still connected. 

Sherlock sighed and looked away at John’s military equipment, carelessly tossed aside and forgotten in favor of being with his lover. 

“Not even a hint?” 

“You know I can’t.”

John swallowed hard and nodded before lying down again on Sherlock’s chest. “Stay.”

Faintly Sherlock remembered the words from his older self the previous year and a half before. “I’ll comfort you.”

“Good… I’m sleepy.” John closed his eyes and fell asleep.

Sherlock didn’t disappear until almost dawn.

^.~

September 1989  
(John is 18, Sherlock is 37)

Sherlock sighed as he felt himself shift. It seemed that missing John made his condition even worse. Much of his time was spent somewhere in John’s childhood so it really came as a surprise when he found himself in what appeared to be a dorm room with a young adult version of John Watson lying in bed reading a book.

John grinned and set down his book. “You came.” Of course it was no real surprise for John… Sherlock had given him a list of dates that he would appear so John was always waiting for him… except the time when John had been six. 

“You know I would.”

“Of course I did…” John winked and stretched a bit, revealing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. “I know all your visits by heart. Come closer.”

Sherlock took a few steps closer, unmindful of his nudity. “How old are you?”

John gave a wicked grin and pulled the blanket aside to show that he was naked in the bed. “Eighteen.”

Sherlock gulped hard. Vaguely he remembered what John had said about losing his virginity. This couldn’t be that visit… could it? “John…”

“I have the room to myself. No one will bother us.”

“John…” Sherlock raised his hands in surrender. “Please… think about this…”

“What’s to think about? I want to fuck you.”

“John!”

“As it happens I’ve been thinking about it for a while now… and I want my first time to be with you. Would you rather I was with someone else?”

“No!” Sherlock’s answer was automatic. “I mean… I just wasn’t expecting this…”

John gave him a doubtful look.

“Yes, I knew it would happen… I just didn’t know… Now? Really?”

John kept his eyes on Sherlock but his hand gently started to stroke his cock, forcing Sherlock to stare.

“Oh bloody hell…” Sherlock whispered and sat on the bed. Barely avoiding John’s reach for his own cock, he took John’s hand in his own. “Maybe it’s next time?”

“Do you know how I lost my virginity?” John challenged.

Sherlock closed his eyes and nodded.

“Well?”

Sherlock raised John’s hand to his lips and lightly kissed it. “If at anytime anything hurts… please tell me and I’ll stop.”

“Thought so!” John crowed and crawled closer to Sherlock, kissing his shoulder shyly. “I guessed it because last time you were here and I flirted with you… you looked torn. I knew there was something between us in the future.”

“Yes… I’m your lover… are you pleased with your deduction?”

“Very!” John climbed into Sherlock’s lap, straddling his legs and facing him. “So… how will we do this?”

“Gently.”

“Ah… come on… like I haven’t played with myself…”

Sherlock remembered his own first time with a slightly older version of himself. Of course he had always liked to push himself… he attempted anal his first time and it had not been entirely pleasant on the receiving end. Only with some practice had it become any good. “Erm… lay down, John.”

John slid off and obeyed, legs open and young cock so hard against his hip.

Sherlock lay beside him and began to kiss the well known mouth of his John. His arm caught John as the young man rolled up against him, kissing and dry humping his thigh. “Slowly… you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“I want to cum…” John moaned pressing his cock against Sherlock’s hip. “I’m close…”

Sherlock gently began to work his way down John’s body, kissing and sampling the young flesh. So far his only experiences with John had been with John 35 and older. And even that John made no secret of the fact that he had been sleeping with an older Sherlock since he was 18. This was the youngest they would ever be together. And with that thought Sherlock flicked his tongue over the head of John’s cock.

John cried out and tried to get closer. “Yes, Sherlock… Please!”

But the detective licked his own finger instead, covering it with spit before using it to gently probe John’s arse. The young man stilled and watched, his eyes on his older future lover’s as Sherlock breached him for the first time. “Gently now, John…” Sherlock kissed John’s waning erection. “Your spot is right… here.”

With that John threw his head back and cried out. Somewhere inside his arse Sherlock found his prostate. “Sherlock… Sherlock… Please?”

Sherlock deftly continued to manipulate the spot as he sucked down John’s cock, throating it with gusto. Older John had taught him well with what worked and the young man was quickly being thrown over the edge. John’s climax didn’t surprise him and he swallowed it greedily before carefully pulling his finger out. 

John smiled and lightly touched Sherlock’s cheek. “I feel… really good.”

“I’m glad.” Sherlock tenderly kissed the young man’s forehead. “I love you, John Watson.” Lying down, he allowed John to cuddle up against him. 

Soon John drifted off to sleep. Sherlock was left pondering his next move with one Sebastian Moran. It was time to go home to his own John Watson… a John Watson who thought he was dead…

^.~

August 2013  
(John is 42, Sherlock is 37 and 38)

As Sherlock entered 221B Baker Street he looked around, trying to get a sense of where Mrs. Hudson or John could be… if either of them was home. Mycroft had tried to suggest that he call first after Moran was arrested, but Sherlock preferred the more direct approach. Quietly he made his way up the stairs. Letting himself into the flat, there seemed to be no one around. Everything seemed to be just as he left it the year before.

Then he heard voices coming from the bedroom.

Dread and betrayal flashed through him, not for the first time. Quickly he pressed his ear to the door and listened.

“You prat! I can’t believe you would say such a thing!” John chuckled.

“Um… John…” Sherlock’s own voice spoke.

“What?” John continued to chuckle.

Footsteps approached the door and it opened. A slightly older Sherlock looked back at his younger self. “I’m home.”

John got up from the bed and stepped past the older Sherlock to hug the younger. “I missed you so much.”

“How can you miss you when my older self is here?” Sherlock demanded.

“You know what I mean. My Sherlock wasn’t here… so you came back to check on me from time to time.”

“How long have I been visiting?”

“Um…” John blushed and looked away. “It may have been the day of your funeral.”

“I’ve been gone for over a year and nearly the entire time I’ve been visiting you?”

“It’s been… really comforting.”

“Have I been sleeping with you?”

Both older Sherlock and John blushed, not meeting Sherlock’s eyes.

“Right… so here I am risking my life to keep you safe and you’re shagging my future self every time I show up? Did you EVER sleep alone the whole time I was gone?”

“Of course I did!” John replied.

“When? The night before the funeral when you still didn’t know I was alive?” 

“Like you weren’t visiting ME back in my timeline…”

“I didn’t have a CHOICE!” Sherlock snapped. 

“Their coming back here wasn’t by choice!”

“But they could keep it in their pants!”

“You travel NAKED! And have you seen me at eighteen yet?”

Sherlock blushed and looked away. “That’s… that’s DIFFERENT! I was supposed to be with you then.”

“Or how about when I was 35? 37? Afghanistan?”

“I was SUPPOSED to sleep with you then!”

“Supposed to?”

“You’ve made it clear I’ve been sleeping with you since you were eighteen… when I appeared you wanted me… you expected to be with me! What was I supposed to do when I see you at 35? ‘So sorry, John… but your future self won’t let me sleep with you’?”

“And maybe when you’re 39, 40 or 41 you’re SUPPOSED to pop into 2013 and comfort me after you faked your own death! I don’t MIND that you were with my younger self. I have many happy memories from being with you… but it’s just a LITTLE hypocritical of you to deny your future self access to me when you’re busy shagging me senseless back in 2005!”

“I was PROTECTING you!” Sherlock cried out. “What’s the point of faking my death to throw our enemies off the scent and make them lose interest in YOU when YOU’RE busy running around with an obviously very alive ME! If they had SEEN you…”

“They didn’t see anyone!”

Sherlock felt his condition approach and he let it take him away.

John stared at the spot Sherlock had been, now just a pile of clothes and let out a frustrated growl. His eyes caught on the somewhat older Sherlock that still lingered in the room. “What’s the point of all this? Is this how it was supposed to be? You catching yourself here and going off in a jealous rage?”

“I was… very hurt, John…” Sherlock answered. “I had spent a whole year taking down Moriarty’s web… and I came home to find you… you didn’t even miss me.”

“Of course I missed you! I said I did!”

Sherlock shook his head. “I was hurt… and homesick. During that year I watched you grow up. And then right before I finished I met you at eighteen… and you just reminded me of how much I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home to you… and maybe I felt… like I had been replaced. For an instant before I heard myself speak I thought you had taken another lover.”

“Why would I do that?”

Sherlock shrugged. “You could have had anyone, John… you’re normal.”

“Ah, geez… thanks!” 

“You know what I mean. Normal relationships would have been easy for you… everyone likes you. And yet… and yet you only ever had me… from the time you were still very young you wanted to be with me. Before I met you no one ever wanted to be with me. I lost my virginity to myself! They called me… a freak… unnatural… And I remember today. It was only a year or so ago. I was so angry at my older self for interfering with my homecoming… but really I was just terrified that you would leave me.”

“What helped?”

“You. Of course first I went back to a younger version of you and we had rather angry sex… but then I came home again properly and you were here… alone, waiting for me. It’s not going to be easy, John. I am not an easy man to be with.”

“I know.” John hugged his future lover.

^.~

April 1997  
(John is 26, Sherlock is 37)

“Sherlock?” John looked up from his desk where he had his medical textbook open.

Sherlock glared at John and pounced on him, pulling him from the chair and dragging him towards the bed, tugging at clothes.

“What is it? Sherlock… what’s wrong?”

“Get undressed!” Sherlock snapped.

John obeyed and barely managed to get back up on the bed before Sherlock was upon him, pushing him down and crawling on top.

“Sherlock… what’s wrong?”

“Just… shut up and fuck me.”

John blinked and nodded. “Ok… if that’s… ok. Let me get some lube…” Trying to roll over to reach for the night stand, Sherlock caught him and held him, his fingers probing John’s arse.

“What if I don’t want lube?” Sherlock growled.

“Then it’s going to hurt. You TAUGHT me that!”

“What if I want it to hurt?”

John froze and looked back at Sherlock. “What’s wrong? Is it something I did? Future me… did I hurt you?”

“Why would you hurt me?” Sherlock crawled down and began to lick at John’s scrotum.

“I… I don’t know… Why would I hurt you?”

Sherlock’s tongue began to probe someplace deeper, filthier.

“Sherlock… don’t… it’s dirty…”

“On your knees…”

Helplessly John obeyed, opening his legs so Sherlock had better access. “Sherlock… I can reach the lube… here… I’ve got it. Take it!”

Sherlock ignored the bottle and continued to push his tongue into John. His fingers pushed in… first one and then two. Resting his face against John’s rump, he tried to wipe away the tears that stung his eyes. “You’re loose… who have you been fucking?”

“Who do you think? For a genius you can be a real idiot!” John wasn’t idle. Lubing his own hand he reached back and touched Sherlock’s cock, coating it with a quick fumble. “Ok… I’m ready.”

Sherlock lightly nipped the shapely rump he was leaning against before he got up and pushed into place, slamming in hard. John was tight and hot around him. With each thrust came a cry and tears flowed unchecked as he claimed the man below him.

John closed his eyes. It wasn’t too bad. Luckily an older Sherlock had visited the night before this Sherlock’s visit and things had been loosened. Now he understood why that Sherlock had said, “I’m sorry” before he disappeared. This Sherlock was a crying mess. 

Sherlock pulled off and collapsed on the bed, obviously not finished, but unable to continue. Covering his face in his hands he sobbed. 

“Damn it, Sherlock! How am I supposed to help you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong?” John straddled the older man, sitting on his hips. “What did I do?”

Sherlock pulled his hands away from his face and stared up at John with tear stained eyes. “Do you… do you still love me?”

“With all my heart!” John replied. 

“I…” Sherlock looked away.

John sighed and sat up a bit, reaching back to guide Sherlock into place before sitting down, impaling himself. Rocking a bit he kept his eyes on Sherlock’s even though the other man was hesitant to look at him. John reached down and touched himself. “Sherlock…”

Sherlock finally looked his eyes went wide as he watched John move above him. Unconsciously he pursed his lips prompting John to lean down and kiss him. In an instant he found himself on top with John below him, lips locked together as they made love with some more finesse than when it started. “I’m sorry…” Picking up the pace Sherlock finally climaxed. “Did I hurt you?”

“No… I was just a little surprised… Wasn’t expecting you to eat my ass…” 

Sherlock gave a small, sad chuckle. In an instant he was gone.

^.~

August 2013  
(John is 42, Sherlock is 37)

Sherlock leaned back against the bedroom door. His clothes were at his feet from when he vanished. His eyes fell on John, lounging on the bed. 

John opened his eyes and reached out a hand to his lover. “Come here.”

Sherlock approached and sat down, unable to face the other man.

“Where did you go?”

“You were still in medical school… I… licked your arse.”

John chuckled softly and shook his head. “It won’t be the only time you do that… Come closer.”

Sherlock lay down.

“I love you, Sherlock. I missed you. Every day I wished you were there…”

Sherlock remained silent.

“It helped… your future self checked up on me… to remind me that you would pull through and come home eventually. Most of my nights were lonely. Most of my days were lonely. But when I was especially miserable you would be there to hold me… because I need you to hold me. Now that I have you in my life I need you more than just once every few months. And I didn’t always sleep with you. Sometimes it was just for tea… or a laugh. Because I need that too, Sherlock… and I know why you did what you did… future you always makes it clear that it was to protect me…”

Sherlock rolled over onto his side, facing John.

“You came to see me in Afghanistan the day you jumped… shortly after you left me.”

“I was in a safe house… and I traveled back to you… yes.”

“That is why you were so upset. It was the day you left…”

“I also knew that you were going to be shot… but I couldn’t tell you.”

“But you made sure to tell me that you loved me.”

Sherlock gave a flicker of a smile. “I couldn’t have you get shot without knowing how I felt.”

“You never said it before?”

“No… I hadn’t. But it seems I’ll be saying it to you every time I’m with you in the past.”

“Thank you.” John leaned in and kissed the other man’s lips. “And I will make sure you’re always loved in return.”

Sherlock snuggled closer. “We don’t… end up apart… do we? Is that why future me comes to see you? Did he lose his John and travel back to steal mine? Does future me ever say anything about that?”

“No… you’re stuck with me.” John grinned. “And sometimes you slip and call me ‘husband.’” 

Sherlock blinked in surprise. “We’re married?”

John chuckled. “Of course.”

\--Fin!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for... Self Love. Sherlock has a moment with himself.
> 
> Drug use. I don't know what he's taking. He won't tell me.

April 1997  
(Sherlock is 21 and 23)

Sherlock woke from his light sleep, wondering why he had awoken. The alarm clock told him he had just fallen asleep an hour before. Usually he slept for three. Rolling over onto his back he stared up at the darkened ceiling. 

Sebastian Wilkes had been an absolute git that day… mercilessly teasing Sherlock about his lack of sexual partners. It frustrated Sherlock to no end… and the usual rebuttal of just how many times Seb had ejaculated prematurely went unheeded. Normal people were sex crazed idiots… and Sherlock envied them.

There was a movement in the room and Sherlock sat up to peer into the darkness. “It’s just me…” His own voice answered and another Sherlock was there, climbing into his bed. “Move over.”

Sherlock obeyed and settled beside himself.

“What year is this?” The other Sherlock yawned.

“1997.” 

The other Sherlock mumbled and moved closer, wrapping his arm around Sherlock’s waist. “Sebastian Wilkes?”

“How did you know?”

“I remember.” So the other Sherlock was older. It was hard to tell in the dark… and he did have a habit of crawling into bed with himself when he appeared in the middle of the night. 

A hand pushed down into Sherlock’s pajama bottoms and he squirmed at the sensation. “It’s a little late for that… I’m sleepy.”

“You’ll be wide awake soon enough.” The other Sherlock breathed into Sherlock’s ear, kissing him. “It’s time to find out what the big deal is… about sex.”

“I’ve had sex.” 

“Not the quick fumble or the occasional act of fellatio… More.”

Sherlock froze and looked back at himself, barely able to make out his own features in the darkness. “Will it hurt?”

“Yes… a little. But you’ll learn to like it.” The other Sherlock got out of bed and went to fetch the lotion from where his younger self kept it. 

“How old are you? How many times have I done this?”

“Enough.” Older Sherlock pumped some lotion into his hand. “Take off your clothes and get up onto your hands and knees.

Silently Sherlock obeyed, trembling in the cool, dark room. Fingers pushed into him and he cried out in surprise at their roughness.

“Shh… Shh… Gently. Open your legs wider. Relax.”

Sherlock obeyed, feeling himself stretched open under his own touch. The fingers were insistent and thorough. All too soon it was over and a body moved behind his own. “What do I do?”

“Relax…” His own voice whispered to him sweet nothings as something thick and solid pushed into his arse. “Shite… you’re so tight…” 

Sherlock whimpered and rested on his shoulders, backside up in the air, being impaled by his own cock. “I feel… so full.”

“Yeah… it feels like that.” The other Sherlock began to move, pulling away and then pushing back in again. “Breathe… Breathe and relax.”

Sherlock whimpered and buried his face in the pillow, feeling himself being filled over and over again. Really he didn’t see what the big deal was that Seb had been excited about. Getting fucked wasn’t all it was cracked up to be… and he vaguely felt sorry for the women Seb had conquered. Suddenly his other self hit a spot that made Sherlock see stars. “God…”

“Found it… right there, Sherlock…” The other Sherlock angled himself and hit it again… and again! 

Sherlock pushed back against the body that invaded him, wanting to feel it again. “What is it?”

“Prostate… That’s why men do this…” The other Sherlock pushed in again. “I can’t keep this up for long… you’re so tight… and warm… I’m going to…” Hips snapped as he rode out his orgasm, pumping into the arse beneath him. Gasping for air he reached around and grabbed Sherlock’s cock to finish him off.

Sherlock cried out as he came… making a mess on the sheets. Breathing heavily he lay in a puddle of his own mess, limp but glowing. “Fuck…”

“Exactly…” The other Sherlock pulled out and lay beside himself. “You’re going to have to get used to it… I visit myself a lot after this… whenever I’m bored.” 

“Fuck…” Sherlock moaned again, crouched on the bed.

^.~

December 2009  
(Sherlock is 33 and 39)

Sherlock’s vision blurred as he sat there… floating. Oblivion was always nice compared to reality. There was nothing left in life but floating. His mind was too open… too much to tame. Every day he felt his sanity slip from him as he saw every fractal… every detail in a world overwhelmed with details. 

And as time passed he grew more and more lonely. Anyone who looked at him took a giant step away as if he was the worst creature they had come across… not even human… just some all seeing THING. Working for Lestrade had been nice but his people… they didn’t accept the creature that pretended to be human… who could slip through time. 

Sherlock ached for oblivion.

Future Sherlock stood before his younger self, staring down at the younger who still had the needle in his arm. “You have to stop this.”

“I was hoping for death, actually… but with you here it seems that won’t be my fate. Unless you’re just a hallucination…?”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you.” Future Sherlock knelt before the junkie and gently pulled the needle from his arm. “This has to stop.”

“I don’t see the point.”

“If you stop then Lestrade will let you work on cases again.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes and looked away. “It just delays the inevitable…”

“And what is that? You’re feeling sorry for yourself? I understand… this is a tough time right now.”

“Stop acting all high and mighty.”

“I’m NOT acting! I KNOW what you’re going through right now. I remember what it was like… being alone… with nothing but my brain for company. But you have to believe me… it WILL get better.”

“Strong words for a naked man.”

Future Sherlock slapped the other man across the face. “You listen to me, Sherlock Holmes. You won’t listen to Lestrade or Mycroft or Mother or Father… but you WILL listen to me!”

Sherlock glared at his older self.

“You are going to get clean. And then you’ll be allowed to work cases again.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes and made a face.

“You will get clean. I know you will drag your heels on this… but you WILL go to rehab.”

“Why? Why should I? Give me one good reason why I can’t just end this!”

Future Sherlock sighed and touched his younger self’s knees, staring down to somewhere around his belly, unable to meet his eyes. “I’m married.”

“No…”

“I am married, Sherlock.” Finally the elder Sherlock looked up to the other’s eyes. “You’ll be meeting him soon.”

“I can’t… no one… no one WANTS me.”

“He is… brilliant… and clever. He can keep up with us and… God, Sherlock… you are going to fall for him hard.”

“I can’t! I’m incapable of loving anyone…”

Future Sherlock reached out to grasp the other man’s hands. “Listen to me… he is worthy. So first you’re going to get sober… and clean. Then you will go back to Lestrade. You’ll be able to get a better flat.” Future Sherlock glanced around the old flat on Montague that he used to live in. 

“But…”

The older Sherlock caught the younger’s eyes again. “This is your chance… to be truly happy. You’ll get to do what you were born to do… solve problems. Your mind will be at ease and… you’ll be loved.”

“By… my husband?” Sherlock raised an eyebrow. “You are aware that gay marriage isn’t legally binding… aren’t you?”

“Not a problem in the future.” Future Sherlock rubbed his younger self’s hands. “You are going to love him, Sherlock…”

And there, within the junkie’s eyes came a glint of hope.

^.~

February 2011  
(John is 40, Sherlock is 35)

Sherlock lightly touched John’s form, running his fingers along warm skin. The man wasn’t the same shape as his own body. There were curves and dips his own body lacked. His future self had said that he would grow to love the man who slept beside him. Was this really the “husband” his future self had spoken of? His fingers glided up the man’s spine, slipped over the top of his scapula and back down his side over his muscled shoulder to his ribs and back down to his hip. 

John mumbled in his sleep, moving his body a little in response to the light touch of Sherlock’s exploration.

Sherlock wonder how often his own hand had touched the man who slept through the exploration. Was it really enough that John didn’t seem to mind? His fingers explored one buttock, lightly tracing the crack. 

John stirred and looked back over his shoulder. Scooting back he pressed his arse against Sherlock’s pelvis and sighed.

“Did I wake you?”

“I was already half awake.”

Well it seemed Sherlock hadn’t really been fondling John in his sleep. His hand rested on the other man’s hip. “Are you sure?”

“Maybe… I don’t know… you can keep doing that.”

Sherlock’s fingers followed the crack down to a loose, moist orifice. His future self had been inside John only a short time before… the wetness would be his own cum. His fingers pushed in, two at first and then three, exploring the warm, soft heat inside of John.

John moaned and rolled over onto his belly, opening his legs for Sherlock to explore unhindered. 

“You’re still wet…”

“You used enough lube on me… I have no doubt I probably am.” John pulled his knees under himself and raised his haunches. “Come on.”

Sherlock got up and crawled behind John, his clean hand touching the other man’s back and hip. “Are you sure?”

“Sherlock… I know what you want when you feel me up like that. I don’t mind.”

Sherlock pulled his fingers out and used them to help guide himself into place. As he pushed in for the first time he couldn’t help but wonder at the soft heat that surrounded him. John pushed back into him and he thrust forward, burying himself deep into the other man. It was like his first time… plowing into his younger self. The sensation had been overwhelming. This person wasn’t himself… it was someone new… someone who willingly allowed him full access to his body. It didn’t take long before he felt his body tumble towards completion. His arms wrapped around the body below him and he leaned, emptying himself into the warmth. Another human being willingly took pleasure with his body… “You feel… so good.”

John collapsed onto the bed, making a mess below himself. Holding Sherlock’s hands to his belly he panted and rested, unwilling to let the other man pull off just yet. “Thanks…” A soft chuckle escaped him. Turning his head he lightly kissed Sherlock’s cheek. 

Sherlock closed his eyes, unwilling to move but rolling them on their sides anyway so he wouldn’t crush John. “I got an email from an old schoolmate today. He wants to see us tomorrow.” Really he wanted nothing to do with Sebastian Wilkes but what else could he do? The git was willing to pay and his case was interesting enough. Idly Sherlock wondered what would happen when Seb saw John. Would he know what Sherlock had done to John tonight? What two Sherlocks had done to John tonight? 

“Schoolmate?” John asked, a little suspicious. 

“Sebastian Wilkes… bit of a prat… obsessed with sex. Teased me relentlessly back at uni because I couldn’t…”

“Oh… should I tell him we’re fucking like rabbits and that you’re the best shag I’ve ever had?”

Sherlock burst into a giggle and held John tighter. “That won’t be necessary.”

John rolled over a bit to grin at Sherlock in the darkness. “Want me to intimidate him?”

“That would be… lovely.”

\--Fin

**Author's Note:**

> According to Martin Freeman's bio on "The One Ring" for "The Hobbit"... his eyes are brown. Fanfic writers often give him blue eyes. I go with hazel... because it's somewhere between reality and fandom.


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